Unleashing Drama

A few days ago, before I knew the gender of my baby, my cousins and family members told me to ‘make sure it’s a boy’. I ignored a lot of it cause I knew it was beyond my control. I know, my sister has two girls but for Selvan and I, this is our first child and it really didn’t matter if it was a boy or girl. All that mattered was that our child was healthy, and born without any complications.

When we went for the scan and check up, the doctor told us it’s a girl. I wasn’t the least bit disappointed although I knew many in my family would be. I was concentrating and looking at the scan to see if she was okay. The scan showed her tiny toes, tiny fingers, her perfectly straight spine, her brain and heartbeat all perfect. We wanted to cry. How lucky were we to have a baby formed so perfectly without any complications? Even my blood test and all our tests came back with good results. I was well and healthy to carry this child and to give her enough nutrients till she’s out.

What’s important really? The gender or the health of a child? Who cares if it’s a boy or girl? In this time and age, a girl is just as competent (if not slightly more) than a boy. What’s more important is that my child is healthy, happy and is given nothing but the best when she’s out in September.

To my baby girl..just as they did before we knew your gender, throughout your life people are going to make you feel lesser because you’re a girl. They’ll question your ideas and challenge your thoughts because of your gender. I pray and hope you’ll always stand your ground, work hard and remember that you are so much more than the gender you were born into. I know you’ll be a smart girl, ready to take on the world. Your daddy and I can’t wait to hold you in our arms and show you the world.

See you soon baby!

Seems like all I ever do is make one big decision to another. It’s 12.10am and I’m sitting here contemplating my next move. Some days, I wish I was normal. You know what I mean? I wish I was happy where I am and satisfied with the way things are. But, I’m not. There’s always this burning desire to do more and it is from that desire that I have decided to move. More details on this soon.

Today, Selvan decided that we need some time outside the comforts of our home. See, I’m not very adventurous and I don’t like big crowds and noisy places. We went to a private island for our honeymoon cause I cannot tahan touristy places. But today, we went to Colmar Bukit Tinggi and it further reinforced why I hated the outdoors.

Firstly, as we were walking near the swans, I saw this lady twist swan’s neck to make it look at her. I had to do all I can to stop myself from twisting her neck or from screaming. Next, she fed twisties to the swan and made her daughter do the same. I rushed down and Selvan quickly told her, “Jangan bagi makan la”. She looked at us and said, “Oh, tak boleh ke?” Ok, there was a HUGE sign there which said “NO FEEDING” but obviously this person cannot read. Secondly, bodoh tahap apa that will feed twisties to a swan?

Next, I saw a little girl picking up pebbles and scrap food from the ground and feeding the swans. Parents, wth are you doing la? Can’t you tell your children to respect animals sikit? But never mind, if you don’t want to tell then teacher Cheryl will tell. I told her not to feed the swans and she stopped. I then wondered if I could get a part time position at Colmar where I can scold people who do stupid things to the swan.

Then, we walked to the Japanese garden. Selvan and I were trying our best to have a romantic walk except we kept walking into people’s photographs. I mean, seriously? What if I told you that you don’t have to take a picture every millisecond? I reached to a point I was unapologetic and walked straight into their photographs. This couple clad in kimonos made us take their picture TWICE. Sabar je la..

We went home, both agreeing that the comfort of our home is better and that I obviously am hormonal with anger issues now that I am pregnant. But no really..won’t you be angry?

 

9 weeks pregnant is taking a toll on me. Surprisingly, I’m great in the mornings. I can talk, walk, work and eat like a human being. Then at night, I can only take a few bites of food and will spend the rest of it crawled like a baby on the bed. I go from the urge to throw up to the urge to sleep and cry. Most nights I just lie there and pray..please God, just let me get through this.

As I write this, it’s 5.34am and I woke up to finish pending work (it was due last night but what the heck). Since I have to have food all the time, I’m sipping on Vitagen and really feeling normal again. I know now that this is my new normal. The nausea, throwing up, perpetual tiredness (both of my body and soul). Sigh.

All for you tiny human. All for you.

It’s 11.18pm and while Selvan is snoring (in a bit, I’ll give him a kick), I’m catching up on work. I can’t do much in the mornings and afternoons cause I’ll be visiting the toilet or feeling pain. But it’s okay. A few days ago, I couldn’t even work at night..so I’m glad to be able to at least get some things done.

My first book ‘T for Teacher’ is finally ready and now in design stage. I’m so excited to see the end product and of course, hoping people will benefit from it.

Time to start working on my second book as I know the publisher (who might be reading this) is already anxious for it. Sorry, I swear I’m writing every day (or every other day).

Right now, the only superficial concern on my mind is what to wear for the gala premiere of Adiwiraku. I mean, if you know me, I have like five outfits that I repeat and I don’t care much. Clothes are just clothes la to me..but I know I have to make an effort to wear something nice this time. Any suggestions?

It is considered taboo to write about such fragile news at such an early stage, but it is also a shame to leave it undocumented. Unplanned yet welcomed, a tiny being is now in its 7th week of formation. As tiny as a blueberry yet still capable to put me in such discomfort. I go from sleeping 13 hours a day to lying awake at night and troubling poor Selvan.

When we first found out the news, we were both in shock. The surreal knowledge that a tiny being is developing within me drove both of us to tears. It was overwhelming, a feeling I cannot describe Suddenly, everything else paled in comparison to this news. I forgot about work and the usual hullabaloo that’s always in my life and just thought about this tiny being.

For years, I’ve affectionately referred to other people’s children as my kids. It’s finally time for one of my own.

Grow up well my little blueberry. We can’t wait to greet you. Until then, please be a bit kind and spare me the discomfort.

 

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved…
From the desire of being extolled …
From the desire of being honored …
From the desire of being praised …
From the desire of being preferred to others…
From the desire of being consulted …
From the desire of being approved …
From the fear of being humiliated …
From the fear of being despised…
From the fear of suffering rebukes …
From the fear of being calumniated …
From the fear of being forgotten …
From the fear of being ridiculed …
From the fear of being wronged …
From the fear of being suspected …

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I …
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease …
That others may be chosen and I set aside …
That others may be praised and I unnoticed …
That others may be preferred to me in everything…
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…

So, yes..over the past few weeks lots of media outlets have been trying to secure interviews. Some want to talk to me, some the kids, some the actors, producers etc. Just today, one media wanted to interview Sangeeta (the actress who plays me) and me together. That was the first request of this combination and I thought it would be great! Little did I know how difficult it was to sync up my time with hers.

OK, so Sangeeta is a full time celebrity la while I’m just rakyat biasa. Our conversation went something like this:-

Me: Friday morning I got meeting with XXX. Can’t do. How about afternoon?

Sangeeta: Sorry, I’m shooting in Melaka. How about Saturday morning?

Me: Cannot. Teaching the kids at Puchong. Saturday afternoon?

Sangeeta: Got event. Sorry, how about early morning?

Me: Ok, next week la then.

Sangeeta : Shooting in India, sorry. Let’s see what time we can make it on Saturday.

And then, Sangeeta stopped replying my text at like 11.30pm because yes, beauty sleep is important. Damn, no wonder her hair so cantik. I should stop blogging and doing work at this hour and get some sleep as well. But no,  I rakyat biasa..

Why are you reading this? -_-

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